Some Feelings From The Past Couple Of Days

" A lot of times I wake up,
Hearing you call my name
A lot of times I end up crying,
Wishing things were the same.
You were the only person in my life,
That understood me.
That made me complete
now I feel like I'm crashing. I feel obsolete. "



I miss you grandpa... every day and every night I think about you. Hopefully you are looking down on me and you are happy.


.... Tanya G

The List

If anything being single has taught me, it has been to always be true to myself. No one should make me change. If I don't want to do something, I don't want to do it. And really who says you have to settle. I don't want to settle, I want to be content. I want to be happy, and to really shine. No more excuses, it's now or never.

I'm starting a list of 100 things I want to do in my life. Hopefully you readers, can join in and make a list for yourselves. I want to succeed in this and I want to follow through. Let's do it.

I'm going to focus on me.

.... Tanya G

I Miss...

Yes I have been moving on from my ex. This break up has hurt me, like never before. I have never ever ever cared or loved a person as much as him. It's really sad and upseting to see how one day he was apart of my life, and the next he was just gone. I miss him, I really do.

I miss his smell after a shower.
I miss the way his hand and mine would always find their way to each other when we went for a walk.
I miss his honesty, his intelligence, his ability to make life simple.
I miss the way that he would just calm me down because he was calm.
I miss the way that he would rub my lower back and put me to sleep.
I miss him strong arms and legs wrapped around me, when we were cuddling.
I miss his excitement whenever he had something new to show me.
I miss the way he would teach me, the things he was most passionate about.
I miss his hugs, because I felt whenever I was in his arms I was safe.
I miss staying up and talking about everything and anything with him.
I miss our little adventures.
I miss High Park. Dundas West. King Slice. Pancakes and Chocolate Milk. Jerk Chicken. Hue's Place. 1017.  October 25.
I miss being called boo boo.
I miss him. Completely. 100%

It wasn't the 'love' part of our relationship. It was the friendship. He was my best friend, and he made me complete. He brought things out in me that no one ever did. And he listened. He tried to understand. And I think, (maybe I hope more then I know) that I brought out things in him. That I was a fit for him. That he loved me. But I'll just carry on in the world, like I don't give a fuck because my heart is broken and to be honest I don't think it will heal back up.

Sorry for this mushy mushy. I don't have anywhere to let out my emotions or feelings. So I'll do it in cyberspace.

So I'll apologize in advance because really I don't care. I don't give a shit about anything. What's the point? I'm already so drained that I don't care anymore. I don't give a fuck. The sad thing is, I don't know how he feels. I don't know if he misses me. I don't know if between everything else he has on his plate if he thinks of me.

Goodnight.

.... Tanya G

What's Important??

ME.

Just reminding myself.

..... Tanya G

Love....

"Women wish to be loved without a why or a wherefore; not because they are pretty, or good, or well-bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves." -- Henri Frederic Amiel

Future Thoughts

I want to travel. And live in different countries, continents, cities, and learn about different heritages and cultures.  I want to be the person that is helping others- and not being selfish about it. This is really the most important in my list

I want to have the career that is booming and to always be a great person. Perfection is impossible, yet imperfection is slightly perfection in my eyes.

I want to be happy.

I want to take care of those that have taken care of me. - Mom, Dad and Grandma :)

I want to be a big role model in my sister's lives.

I want to be able to change the world. I want people to say, Tanya G has helped me shape who I want to be. In wanting to change the world, I want to do it, in a very selfless way. I am thinking of many different ideas and want them to all come to fruitation. We will see. I do not know what the future holds. For now, I'm being myself, Tanya G

What are your future thoughts ???

.... Tanya G

Where I Want To Travel To... ?

This post has been in my drafts for a very long time (since Aug!), waiting to be posted out there for everyone to see.

Recently I have been contemplating just picking up and leaving. Going to a different country, learning another language, meeting new people and just becoming a better and more well rounded person. I love to read about different places and different cultures, and find myself always dreaming about going somewhere differently.

I would love to travel everyone and anywhere.  My first stop would be Ecudar. Since I have met my ex-boyfriend all he has talked about is South America and how peaceful it would be to be there. People do not realize how much time, money and energy we are giving to Capitalism in working. I know we need money to try and survive but the thing that boogles my mind is that the people before us, didn't have lots of money (if any at all), they didn't have every designer bag or shoes, and they certainly didn't have the luxury cars. But they were all happy, and content with what they had. I want that. I always feel like i'm working for no reason. For nothing and in the end, it's just more time and energy spent just so our government can take more money in taxes or any way else they come up with. Sorry if I'm being cynical.

I want to learn more about the culture, and the language and the rich history that Ecudar has. Life in different countries always fascinate me because to me its like there is only one place in the world- where I am. I want to go through the forests and the jungles, and eat all the healthy veggies and fruits that is grown there. I want to be able to swim in the rivers and not worry about makeup or my hair, or about my clothes. It seems like such a good switch to what I have going on here. And as well it would be like a release to leave this Capitalist world.

Another place I want to go to is Australia. Ever since I was a little girl Australia has been on my list to visit. Having the sun always up and shining as well as always being about to just live in a place where I can be free. I love Canada, I do, but many times I feel pressure to look and act a certain way. I'm over coming this pressure and doing things for me, because I want to, and I'm completely over it.

Where do you want to travel to ??


..... Tanya G

Sex Tapes...

Now in the news all I hear is that everyone who is considered famous has sex tapes or sex photos. Like ladies and gents! Come on!! Really?? What is with all these sex tapes and sex pictures?? What happened to sex being intimate between only two people and not leaking out these crazy tapes or pictures?? What happened to those days?? I guess the world is slowly changing and constantly becoming just sex driven. *sigh*


..... Tanya

Why Does It Seem That More Men Cheat Than Women Do?

Men and women cheat. And now that Tony and Eva Parker's Divorce is up because of cheating then we can look at this thoroughly.


I really don’t believe it’s all biological or that men are pigs. I believe it’s just a question of circumstance, opportunity and attitude. Plenty of women cheat. Just as much as men, I’d guess. Don't have any statistics to back that up. 

So here are my three vague theories about why it seems like men cheat more than women. Of couse these are just my opinions.

1. Generally more men are successful than women.
Women have that 'glass ceiling' per say. We typically make less money than men, and don't really get executive promotions because of the fact that women are the ones who get pregnant and give birth to babies.
Therefore - the only major difference between men and women in the workplace — maternity leave.

For that reason and that reason alone men are usually more successful than women.
2. Men seem to be intimidated by famous, successful women.
The chances of a married woman celebrity cheating on her husband is quite low as a result.

3. Women in the relationship seem to be mistresses most of the time.
It really seems as though in many of the cases of women coming forward and saying that she slept with so-and-so, she is a single woman (or escort) with no boyfriend or husband.

So who do you think cheats more????

Men or Women??

.... Tanya

Relationships..... (The Tanya 'Manual')

Since alot of my blogging does revolve around relationships, I wonder if there was ever a manual for dating. So I thought maybe I should come up with one.

Say what you mean, mean what you say
Men and women sometimes do not do this because they are afraid of their feelings. Saying what you mean does not mean saying any idea that comes into your head. It means representing your intentions honestly.

Be up front at the right time. - Be honest. If you are in a relationship with someone, do not cheat. Do not use them. Do not stay in a relationship if you describe it as 'it's complicated'. Figure out what the other person wants and get that out in the open.
Take criticism, leave the rest.
Sometimes you'll inadvertently do something someone doesn't like. They'll let you know about it. Know what to do with that? Learn the lesson - figure out what's true in what she's saying - and ignore the heat. Someone getting upset with you does not mean whatever they're saying is untrue. Take it on the chin like a man and don't call her names.

Do not hold a grudge.
Men and women are both different species - some women get more emotional and vice versa. Learn to understand what they have done and why.

Honesty.
My biggest pet peeve, is when I'm lied to. I'll admit, I have been hurt in the past. Many times, and it hurts when you invest time and patience, and yourself into a relationship with no honesty. Men, women be honest at all times, no matter what the cost.

Any more to add to this relationship 'manual'?? ?

..... Tanya

Questions...

If I'm such a good person, why do bad things happen to me ??

I try to be nice, honest and a well rounded person, yet I always get hurt. In the end, I am the one suffering.

Should I not be happy?? Do I not deserve to be happy??


..... Tanya

Rant

I really do not understand people who are in a relationship and lie about other things. I hate girls that try to get with my boyfriend. I think it's tasteless, classless, and pretty much rude on their part. If you know the man is taken, he is taken, so don't bother. My relationship with my boyfriend hasn't always been smooth sailing, but really when it is smooth, it is great. I am content with him, and enjoy every moment I can with him- because I do love him. I love him so much that it does hurt me to hear negative things about him or when people try to come in between us. It's hard to put so much love and trust into someone and then hear things that aren't so good. I just hate women who try to get into our relationship. He's my boyfriend now, stop it!!! Get the picture!!!

Sorry,

Tanya