Reinventing Tanya G

Some Feelings From The Past Couple Of Days

2010-12-28T08:38:00.000-05:00

" A lot of times I wake up,
Hearing you call my name
A lot of times I end up crying,
Wishing things were the same.
You were the only person in my life,
That understood me.
That made me complete
now I feel like I'm crashing. I feel obsolete. "

I miss you grandpa... every day and every night I think about you. Hopefully you are looking down on me and you are happy.

.... Tanya G

The List

2010-12-27T11:14:00.000-05:00

If anything being single has taught me, it has been to always be true to myself. No one should make me change. If I don't want to do something, I don't want to do it. And really who says you have to settle. I don't want to settle, I want to be content. I want to be happy, and to really shine. No more excuses, it's now or never.

I'm starting a list of 100 things I want to do in my life. Hopefully you readers, can join in and make a list for yourselves. I want to succeed in this and I want to follow through. Let's do it.

I'm going to focus on me.

.... Tanya G

I Miss...

2010-12-17T08:38:00.003-05:00

Yes I have been moving on from my ex. This break up has hurt me, like never before. I have never ever ever cared or loved a person as much as him. It's really sad and upseting to see how one day he was apart of my life, and the next he was just gone. I miss him, I really do.

I miss his smell after a shower.
I miss the way his hand and mine would always find their way to each other when we went for a walk.
I miss his honesty, his intelligence, his ability to make life simple.
I miss the way that he would just calm me down because he was calm.
I miss the way that he would rub my lower back and put me to sleep.
I miss him strong arms and legs wrapped around me, when we were cuddling.
I miss his excitement whenever he had something new to show me.
I miss the way he would teach me, the things he was most passionate about.
I miss his hugs, because I felt whenever I was in his arms I was safe.
I miss staying up and talking about everything and anything with him.
I miss our little adventures.
I miss High Park. Dundas West. King Slice. Pancakes and Chocolate Milk. Jerk Chicken. Hue's Place. 1017. October 25.
I miss being called boo boo.
I miss him. Completely. 100%

It wasn't the 'love' part of our relationship. It was the friendship. He was my best friend, and he made me complete. He brought things out in me that no one ever did. And he listened. He tried to understand. And I think, (maybe I hope more then I know) that I brought out things in him. That I was a fit for him. That he loved me. But I'll just carry on in the world, like I don't give a fuck because my heart is broken and to be honest I don't think it will heal back up.

Sorry for this mushy mushy. I don't have anywhere to let out my emotions or feelings. So I'll do it in cyberspace.

So I'll apologize in advance because really I don't care. I don't give a shit about anything. What's the point? I'm already so drained that I don't care anymore. I don't give a fuck. The sad thing is, I don't know how he feels. I don't know if he misses me. I don't know if between everything else he has on his plate if he thinks of me.

Goodnight.

.... Tanya G

What's Important??

2010-12-17T04:03:00.000-05:00

ME.

Just reminding myself.

..... Tanya G

Love....

2010-12-10T08:56:00.000-05:00

"Women wish to be loved without a why or a wherefore; not because they are pretty, or good, or well-bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves." -- Henri Frederic Amiel

Future Thoughts

2010-12-08T10:54:00.001-05:00

I want to travel. And live in different countries, continents, cities, and learn about different heritages and cultures. I want to be the person that is helping others- and not being selfish about it. This is really the most important in my list

I want to have the career that is booming and to always be a great person. Perfection is impossible, yet imperfection is slightly perfection in my eyes.

I want to be happy.

I want to take care of those that have taken care of me. - Mom, Dad and Grandma :)

I want to be a big role model in my sister's lives.

I want to be able to change the world. I want people to say, Tanya G has helped me shape who I want to be. In wanting to change the world, I want to do it, in a very selfless way. I am thinking of many different ideas and want them to all come to fruitation. We will see. I do not know what the future holds. For now, I'm being myself, Tanya G

What are your future thoughts ???

.... Tanya G

Where I Want To Travel To... ?

2010-12-08T07:33:00.000-05:00

This post has been in my drafts for a very long time (since Aug!), waiting to be posted out there for everyone to see.

Recently I have been contemplating just picking up and leaving. Going to a different country, learning another language, meeting new people and just becoming a better and more well rounded person. I love to read about different places and different cultures, and find myself always dreaming about going somewhere differently.

I would love to travel everyone and anywhere. My first stop would be Ecudar. Since I have met my ex-boyfriend all he has talked about is South America and how peaceful it would be to be there. People do not realize how much time, money and energy we are giving to Capitalism in working. I know we need money to try and survive but the thing that boogles my mind is that the people before us, didn't have lots of money (if any at all), they didn't have every designer bag or shoes, and they certainly didn't have the luxury cars. But they were all happy, and content with what they had. I want that. I always feel like i'm working for no reason. For nothing and in the end, it's just more time and energy spent just so our government can take more money in taxes or any way else they come up with. Sorry if I'm being cynical.

I want to learn more about the culture, and the language and the rich history that Ecudar has. Life in different countries always fascinate me because to me its like there is only one place in the world- where I am. I want to go through the forests and the jungles, and eat all the healthy veggies and fruits that is grown there. I want to be able to swim in the rivers and not worry about makeup or my hair, or about my clothes. It seems like such a good switch to what I have going on here. And as well it would be like a release to leave this Capitalist world.

Another place I want to go to is Australia. Ever since I was a little girl Australia has been on my list to visit. Having the sun always up and shining as well as always being about to just live in a place where I can be free. I love Canada, I do, but many times I feel pressure to look and act a certain way. I'm over coming this pressure and doing things for me, because I want to, and I'm completely over it.

Where do you want to travel to ??

..... Tanya G

Sex Tapes...

2010-12-07T11:25:00.000-05:00

Now in the news all I hear is that everyone who is considered famous has sex tapes or sex photos. Like ladies and gents! Come on!! Really?? What is with all these sex tapes and sex pictures?? What happened to sex being intimate between only two people and not leaking out these crazy tapes or pictures?? What happened to those days?? I guess the world is slowly changing and constantly becoming just sex driven. *sigh*

..... Tanya

Why Does It Seem That More Men Cheat Than Women Do?

2010-12-07T09:55:00.000-05:00

Men and women cheat. And now that Tony and Eva Parker's Divorce is up because of cheating then we can look at this thoroughly.

I really don’t believe it’s all biological or that men are pigs. I believe it’s just a question of circumstance, opportunity and attitude. Plenty of women cheat. Just as much as men, I’d guess. Don't have any statistics to back that up.

So here are my three vague theories about why it seems like men cheat more than women. Of couse these are just my opinions.

1. Generally more men are successful than women.
Women have that 'glass ceiling' per say. We typically make less money than men, and don't really get executive promotions because of the fact that women are the ones who get pregnant and give birth to babies.
Therefore - the only major difference between men and women in the workplace — maternity leave.

For that reason and that reason alone men are usually more successful than women.
2. Men seem to be intimidated by famous, successful women.
The chances of a married woman celebrity cheating on her husband is quite low as a result.

3. Women in the relationship seem to be mistresses most of the time.
It really seems as though in many of the cases of women coming forward and saying that she slept with so-and-so, she is a single woman (or escort) with no boyfriend or husband.

So who do you think cheats more????

Men or Women??

.... Tanya

Relationships..... (The Tanya 'Manual')

2010-12-06T11:32:00.000-05:00

Since alot of my blogging does revolve around relationships, I wonder if there was ever a manual for dating. So I thought maybe I should come up with one.

Say what you mean, mean what you say
Men and women sometimes do not do this because they are afraid of their feelings. Saying what you mean does not mean saying any idea that comes into your head. It means representing your intentions honestly.

Be up front at the right time. - Be honest. If you are in a relationship with someone, do not cheat. Do not use them. Do not stay in a relationship if you describe it as 'it's complicated'. Figure out what the other person wants and get that out in the open.
Take criticism, leave the rest.
Sometimes you'll inadvertently do something someone doesn't like. They'll let you know about it. Know what to do with that? Learn the lesson - figure out what's true in what she's saying - and ignore the heat. Someone getting upset with you does not mean whatever they're saying is untrue. Take it on the chin like a man and don't call her names.

Do not hold a grudge.
Men and women are both different species - some women get more emotional and vice versa. Learn to understand what they have done and why.

Honesty.
My biggest pet peeve, is when I'm lied to. I'll admit, I have been hurt in the past. Many times, and it hurts when you invest time and patience, and yourself into a relationship with no honesty. Men, women be honest at all times, no matter what the cost.

Any more to add to this relationship 'manual'?? ?

..... Tanya

Questions...

2010-12-04T10:53:00.000-05:00

If I'm such a good person, why do bad things happen to me ??

I try to be nice, honest and a well rounded person, yet I always get hurt. In the end, I am the one suffering.

Should I not be happy?? Do I not deserve to be happy??

..... Tanya

Rant

2010-12-04T10:48:00.000-05:00

I really do not understand people who are in a relationship and lie about other things. I hate girls that try to get with my boyfriend. I think it's tasteless, classless, and pretty much rude on their part. If you know the man is taken, he is taken, so don't bother. My relationship with my boyfriend hasn't always been smooth sailing, but really when it is smooth, it is great. I am content with him, and enjoy every moment I can with him- because I do love him. I love him so much that it does hurt me to hear negative things about him or when people try to come in between us. It's hard to put so much love and trust into someone and then hear things that aren't so good. I just hate women who try to get into our relationship. He's my boyfriend now, stop it!!! Get the picture!!!

Sorry,

Tanya

This Is How I'm Feeling Right Now....

2010-10-18T22:32:00.000-04:00

10 Things I Have Learned This Month

2010-10-16T11:32:00.000-04:00

This hiatus from blogging has made me learn many things about myself and the person I want to be.

Here is my list:

10. I do not need to scream in arguments to get my point across. (Everyone's ears will now thank me)
9. I need to stop using guilt in trying to get my boyfriend or anyone else to do things for me. (This is unhealthy)
8. I am a GOOD person, and I will only get BETTER with age. (Like fine wine)
7. Not everyone is going to like what I write about, not everyone is going to like me. (And I really don't care, I like me, the people I care about most like me- soooo pffttt.. I don't need your validation)
6. I have a heart, I have emotions, I am emotional, and sometimes I will cry. Crying is okay, as long as it's not every single moment.
5. I notice the elephant in the room way before it even comes. I have noticed that I have been able to tell when people are uncomfortable therefore I am able to diffuse the situation and get everyone content.
4. I DO NOT NEED TO SPEND EVERY FREE WAKING MOMENT I HAVE WITH MY BOYFRIEND. We are both Aries', and it is my firm belief that we both like to over load ourselves with work, and we are both trying to do things that we love and want to do. However, we try to fit in as much time together as we can. Just because I don't see him everyday doesn't mean he doesn't think about me, or that we don't talk. We talk literally everyday, and I think we have one of the healthiest relationships out there.
3. I don't hate my job, I dislike the politics behind it and I dislike how other employees are being treated. I have spoken up, so only time will tell. We need a change.
2. Strong relationships will build, organically, and does not need to be forced.
1. No matter what, always keep smiling and letting the world in. I know CORNY, but it's true. I don't want to be a jilted person, ever so I am going to continue to roll with the punches, and not hold grudges. However, you break my trust, and I cut you. Simple.

What have you learned this month?

xoxo,
Tanya

What Have I Been Up To This Past Month

2010-10-16T11:00:00.001-04:00

This past month has been hectic and crazy and fun all in one.

Some highlights:
- I have started an internship for Maison Clothing and have 'partnered' up with a fabulous PR guru - (Eleni) who is becoming a friend and mentor all in one. Eleni Moutsias writes for What's Fabulous and owns Fabulous PR. AND I'm volunteering for fashion week... yeah it's a big deal.
- My relationship with Samantha is so much different. It seems like we are close again, and I really enjoy that. I missed her so much and I love having my sister back.
- My relationship with Jeffrey is also so much stronger. I feel like I can tell him anything and yes he might over analyze or get upset and hold a grudge, but he balances me. Trust me if it wasn't for him, I think I wouldn't be so sane. Check out his Youtube Page (that needs to be updated some more). I'm going to try to convince him, in letting me deal with his youtube and reverb nation pages exclusivly. Let's see how this works out.
- My relationship with my sisters are completely tight and bonded, I am so blessed for this, because both of them are growing up SUPER fast. I couldn't believe that my middle sister- Victoria was wearing eye liner the other day. I almost had a heart attack.
- My relationship with Carla, has gone back to what it was before. We are so close again its funny. I love talking to her, and she gives the best advice. It's funny because we have grown up so much and now it's funny what we talk about. Oh and we have decided to move out together in 2011.
- School is good, and I'm loving all the writing. I have resparked my interest in writing and the past couple of weeks have been writing about everything and anything that comes my way. So I will defiantly be updating my blog WAY more.

What have you been up to in October?

xoxo,

Tanya

Let's Play Along....

2010-09-10T14:49:00.001-04:00

1. Thong or Granny Panties?
Definitely Thongs.
2. If you see a guy with his fly down, do you tell him?
Absolutely.
3. Spanx or no Spanx?
Spanx, but they are so uncomfortable...
4. Do you sleep in your sheets?
Yep, and a blanket.

5. What is your favorite Disney character?
Mufasa- because he was brave.
6. Dream vacation spot?
Paris. To see the eiffel tower. South America. To learn about the importance of life.
7. What is your dream job?
Travelling and helping others in need. I don't need much to make me happy, I'm very humble and would love to help as many people as I can, while I can.
8. Who is your hero and why?
My grandma because she is a very smart and attentive woman. She only wants the best for her children and grandchildren, even if it hurts her. She raised her children in a loving home, free of abuse, screams and hatred. She helped my grandfather try to battle his cancer, while she was recovering from breaking her legs. She is a strong woman, and smart at that. Now as I'm living with her, she's also getting a sense of humour.

Tell me more about yourself...

xoxo,

Tanya

Truth....

2010-09-04T13:52:00.000-04:00

..... xoxo Tanya

All These Labels- Why Do We Need Them?

2010-08-30T18:02:00.001-04:00

I was reading one of my favourite blogs - Hey Do You and spotted this list of all the labels that everyone has. I disagree with all these completely and hate labels, but I really thought this was interesting. Which 'label' are you? I must be half of them...

I’m SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic

I’m EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I’m BLACK so I MUST carry a gun.
I’m BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.
I’m HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I’m ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I’m JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I’m a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I’m GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I’m ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I’m JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I’m a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I’m RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I’m ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don’t have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I’m DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I’m REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I’m SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I’m a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I’m a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.
I’m a DANCER, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I’m a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I’m RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth or emo.
I’m a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I’m CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I’m NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I’m a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I’m POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I’m ITALIAN, so I must have a “big one”.
I’m EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I HAVE STRAIGHT A’S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I’m INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I’m a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I’m COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be A GAY TOO.
I’m BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I’m PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I’m a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
I’m STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I’m a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.
I’m BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I’m a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I’m SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I’m a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff.
I’m a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks.
I’m ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.
I’m MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I’m WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I’m black.
I’m GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I’m HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I’m NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I’m PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don’t wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I’m on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I’m YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I’m MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I’m PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don’t like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don’t.
I don’t like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I’m an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I’m INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I’m WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair and wear a kilt.
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every Man on the earth.
I’m a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I’m an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I’m ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and Cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: Past, present, and future.
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, so I MUST be having cyber sex.
I’m CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I’m SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I’m STRONG, so I MUST be stupid.
I’m Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be a Lesbian.
I’m NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can’t help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist.
I’m a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake
I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist
I’m a PACIFIST so I MUST be a peace-loving Hippy thing.
I’m a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED.

xoxo,
Tanya

Sex and The City

2010-08-29T15:18:00.000-04:00

I want to watch all of Sex and the City. I'm going to start, maybe tonight or tomorrow. I know the boyfriend will die of laughter, or just try to 'break my balls' about this. Oh well. Bring on Mr. Big, and the ladies.

xoxo Tanya

Thinking.... Life

2010-08-08T10:39:00.000-04:00

This past month, I have been really thinking about my future. The boyfriend and I took some 'space' and just completely stopped talking to each other- but now we are back together, and I can tell you for sure, that I am 100% happy. All the emotions did flood back, but we are both just taking it easy with each other (it's like we just started dating again- and to be honest I love it!). I know I forced him to do and say and think many things (or tried too) but in the end I realize that was done because of the people around me and what they had in their relationships. I know that we both care about each other, and we want this relationship to somehow work. I never really been with a guy who was understanding and at the end of it all, he really does care (even though sometimes, he acts tough- sorry honey I blew your cover!).

I have been very pensive of everything. Of life, and not just my relationships, but of everything- where I want to be, what I want to do and where/what this world is becoming. I have been riding the subway and the buses and watching all these documentaries and this is what I am thinking. Maybe the boyfriend is right. Maybe Ecuador is the best place to live, where we can be free, and be one with nature. I don't know yet, but I am thinking alot. Maybe it will give me a new perspective. He's leaving in November and will be back around January, and then going back again. I want to go with him because I truly want to understand what this world should be. Maybe we shouldn't be working so hard, and trying to get so many things done. Maybe we shouldn't be accumulating so much money, or racking so much debt. Maybe we should learn to just live simply. No money, just relaxation and serenity.

What do you think about?
What are you thinking??

..... Love Tanya

Love The Way You Lie- Eminem

2010-08-08T09:35:00.000-04:00

Eminem and Rihanna at it. It's a good video, song is also good. I bet know alot of people are looking into domestic abuse, it's sad that it takes a song from a well known person to open people's eyes. But let me stop being synical and let's get the video for your viewing pleasure.

..... Love Tanya

Why I Love Him.....

2010-07-08T17:06:00.002-04:00

"Just be yourself" he said

And a weight of trying to always be perfect was lifted off my shoulders....

..... Love Tanya

Cancer and Health

2010-06-30T16:51:00.000-04:00

As I sit here reflecting about life and reading a lovely blog about Meaghan I'm thinking about how hard her fight must have been. I just saw her blog today and am completely obsessed. Even though she did pass away in April of this year I find it incredible that her husband is taking the blog on, to keep her memory alive and complete her bucket list himself- for her. That is incredible. That is love.

My family has been plagged with cancer as well. My great grandfather pasted away with prostate cancer, my grandfather pasted away with leukemia, my aunt pasted away with breast cancer, my grandma pasted away with ovarian cancer and one of my closest aunt's has battled and won the fight (for now) with ovarian cancer. And that was just in the past 5 years.

That is crazy, so much loss. I have learned to love and tell the people that you love, that you love them. I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow, and I don't know who can pass away next from something small or something big. I just know that I love the people that I do, and I tell them.

To anyone who reads my blog... thank you...

And to anyone battling cancer, I salute you, and I know it is a hard thing to overcome, I've seen it first hand, attack the people I love the most. Just been thinking about things... My mind doesn't stop...

..... Love Tanya

Stress

2010-06-29T22:21:00.000-04:00

I just want to be less stressed.

Not overworked.
Be able to stop arguing about the stupidest things with everyone.
To take the stress of my loved ones away, and make them smile.
I want life to be less ugly, less hectic, less time consuming, and more laughter.

For now, I'll just stick with the life I have now.
Because out of all this chaos, I am happy with it.

..... Love Tanya

Money, Money, Money

2010-06-29T12:00:00.002-04:00

Yes I have debt. More the 75% of Canadians do too. It's a bad thing. It hold people back and makes them frustrated with their lives. I am frustrated. I want this debt to be done with. I am exhausted of lugging this away, and up until now I didn't know how I was going to manage it, and pay if off. I have taken the steps in learning about the future, and learning about money and how to make money work for me not because people told me, but because I WANT to. I WANT to be able to buy my own house, and put half of the payment for the house down. I WANT to move out and be self sufficent. I WANT to be happy and have this big dark cloud off of my head and shoulders. So I WILL pay off my debt by the end of this year, by myself and I WILL be happy... and buy my house in 4 to 5 years.

I'm excited and I feel it in my bones... I love this feeling! Everything in my life is arranging perfectly....

Ladies and Gents!!! Money DoES NOT GROW ON TREES!!!!!

How are you getting out of debt???

..... Love Tanya

What Women Really Mean

2010-06-24T21:21:00.001-04:00

I was talking to one of my good friends the other night and we were talking about relationships and what us girls say to our men, but what we really mean when we say it. So we came up with these 9 simple words that are usually uttered or said when you are (upset/mad/tired) with your significant other.

1) Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. As well, women when are really pissed off, they will just say fine to really shut you up.

2) Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. If she is coming to pick you up, it usually means around 15 minutes. If she is coming to something really important to you it means five minutes. For every situation it varies- trust me.

3) Nothing
This for sure means something is wrong. You should really be on the ball around this time. Many arguments start with nothing and end in fine.

4) Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5) Loud Sigh
This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6) That’s Okay / Don't Worry
This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7) Thanks
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome and kiss her with a smile.
8 ) Whatever
Is a woman’s way of saying F– YOU! or she really is upset with you, and thought that something that meant something to her would mean something to you. Talk to her. Communicate with her.

9) Don’t worry about it, I got it
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3.

do you have any to add???

..... Love Tanya

Cheating in the Digital Age

2010-06-22T18:55:00.000-04:00

Recently I logged into my hotmail and on the http://www.msn.com/ website there was an article about cheating in the digital age. Listen, I hate cheating, I've been cheated on and yes I have cheated on one past boyfriend (he cheated on me, so I returned the favour) but to have cheaters out there in the world, I think is disrespectful. I'm not perfect, I know that. And yes I cheated, I know that, but this article on msn.com is about snopping around your significant other's phone/facebook and emails. I am the first to give my phone over to my boyfriend, because I have nothing incriminating on there, and really the only person I message is him and a couple of girlfriends, but thats's it. I'm not having an affair, I barely have time to see my boyfriend, let alone start an affair but as well, I don't want one. I'm happy with my guy, and though we have been through quite alot in the last couple of months, I'm sure that he is happy with me and our relationship (let's hope he is).

Yes he has given me his facebook password, his email password, and hand over his phone a couple of times. And even though one time (when I was helping him, promote his music, on Facebook, there was a very inappropiate message from some lady) I trust him. And I know that he isn't out to hurt me or cheat on me, he loves me and supports me. So why would he cheat on me? (I'm only the best girlfriend ever) haha...

So ladies, get off your boyfriend's emails, log off his facebook, hand him back his cellphone and stop snooping. What's the point in being in a relationship if you don't trust your significant other?

..... Love Tanya

My Writings

2010-06-21T11:46:00.000-04:00

For those of you that do not know me that well, I write. I write poems that don't make sense, poems that are corny, stories that are crazy out there, and just random things that come to mind. I often find it weird when people try to read my stuff, because I always think that it sucks. So if I yell at you not to read my work, it's probably because I think that you are better at writing anything and don't want people to laugh at my thoughts. It's also sometimes very personal to me. I guess this blog is also very personal as I am trying to reinvent myself, therefore this is a bit of an oxymoron, however as of now, I will keep my 'corny' writings to myself.

... never stop smiling...

..... Love Tanya

The Cutest Baby Ever

2010-06-17T20:15:00.003-04:00

so cute....

..... Love Tanya

How to Run a Business, The Tanya Way

2010-06-15T22:03:00.001-04:00

As I sit here working in a mindless job, that I can do already with my eyes closed I think about the future. Constantly in meetings right now, because no matter what I do in this mindless job, I am still not doing enough. I have given up hope working at this hospital. I love the interaction with the people that come in. Love hearing stories about their lives, or about what they are going to do after their appointments but the management behind of all this, is completely unprofessional, unorganized, and simply does not care about their employees. Only really caring about the job. Employees here have lives, have children, have sicknesses, have heartache, and are slowly killing themselves to get as much work done as they can.

I know I shouldn't complain. I have not one, but two jobs. However, I see in both places the things that are lacking. Here at the hospital there is no organization, no communication between staff and management- to the point that half of us is afraid to go up and talk to them, and no compassion- you would think working in a hospital there would be compassion, but no, there isn't. At my second job, as an assistant to a lawyer, I see that she isn't at all organized. Everything is all over the place and there is no structure to anything. Clients show up without being booked, people are all over the place, the phones are always ringing. ORGANIZATION is the key to success.

Already now at my tender age, I am thinking about my business, how I want it and how I will run it. I just kind of want to finish my schooling and move on and open my own P.R. firm. I can totally see it. I want to work with underground talent, and get them known for Toronto. Toronto is a very talented city and alot of people need to know this.

Just my two sense..

..... Love Tanya

What Stress Does To Me....

2010-06-15T15:40:00.006-04:00

I have been super stressed these past couple of days.

Working as an assistant is completely difficult. I am organized myself (somehow) however, trying to get someone organized when they aren't in the first place is difficult, and I am finding it the hardest way.

I don't know about you, but when I am super stressed I take it out on the people I care the most about. A couple of my girls, mom, my sisters, and now my boyfriend. It's hard when this girl is super easy going and sweet to everyone and then just turns to an ultimate whining, crazy ass bitch. (Hey I'm the first one to admit it that I am a bitch- when I'm stressed of course ;)). I literally just got off the phone yelling at my boyfriend, because of something so stupid. He told me we couldn't hang out tonight as he had to work. That's fine with me and usually I would have said alright but I yelled at him. For what? I will never know. If it was me saying to him that I couldn't hang out because of work, he would be like, okay babe call me after- and I'm here yelling like an idiot. Geez louise.

SO IF I YELL AT YOU, IT'S BECAUSE I'M STRESSED AND SECRETLY LOVE YOU. Ha

..... Love Tanya

Hot Boy

2010-06-15T13:04:00.004-04:00

I was just hearing Travis Mccoy's song "Billionaire" on the radio and thought I would google him. He is a cutie.. I really don't know what it is, but he seems cute to me. Ladies what do you think??

Just look at that cute face!!

Here is his song "Billionaire" for your viewing pleasure....

What is the Meaning of Love?

2010-06-08T22:07:00.004-04:00

I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 6 months and though I know we both love each other and care about each other. We have never said "I Love You". Well I did- because it just slipped as I was saying goodnight to him. And he texted me back and said the same thing in the text, we have never said it face to face. Sometimes I do wish that we have or we did I think to just solitify our relationship, but I'm learning more and more that I do not need those words to prove to me that he loves me.

I know he loves me because:
- he remembers everything about me. (even my favourite flower-which I told him like the first week we started talking)
- he kisses me on my forehead (which I secretly love and hope that he would do it more often) - he looks at me with those adoring eyes, and just gives me 'the look'
- he makes me laugh!!!! (at myself, at him, at everyone and he's totally cool about it)(LADIES THIS IS A BIG ONE FOR ME, I have dated disasters before that didn't know what funny was even if funny hit them in the head)
- he is thinking about the future with me (this is a big one- all the ladies know it)
- he accepts all my flaws and always makes me feel good about myself (compliments me very rarely but its cute when he does)
- he enjoys just sitting outside talking in the park or on the street without having to do anything, we just talk and talk for hours, laughing and giggling.
- he pushes me- to be the best that I can be (yes that's corny, but it is very true)
- he makes me smile, blush, and laugh (all at the same time)

okay before I get anymore corny (which he will be the first one to point that out)

Because of all these things I believe love is shown, and not spoken, because too many people speak love yet they do not show it.

What do you believe is the meaning of love?

..... Love Tanya

Fishtail Braids

2010-06-08T22:01:00.004-04:00

I am in love with Fishtail braids, I think tomorrow I will wake up earlier and make one for work.....

..... Love Tanya

Hiatus

2010-06-08T21:24:00.003-04:00

So basically I have been on Haitus. I started a new job working as an assistant to an immigration lawyer, plus still working some nights at the hospital i work for. I love it. I wanted a change at least by the end of this year and I got it. I thank the heavens for this job opportunity. However it is not in the field I am studying. But right now, I am enjoying it. I promise to come back and work harder on this blog. I have to. I want to. I need it. this is my journal and I am madly in love with writing.

..... Love Tanya

Where I Am, and What I'm Thinking...

2010-05-22T10:43:00.002-04:00

Wow, I haven't posted here in almost a month, and to be honest I have missed it.
I love blogging, and yet I don't have any followers- well I do have 1, I want this blog to be personal, as I have changed the name of my blog, over and over. This time, I think I am content with Reinventing.

Turning 20 this year, really made me realize that I need to get my life into gear. I need to figure out what I am doing with my life and how to get there. I need to figure out who I want in my life, and who I want out. At this present time, I can say for sure I want maybe 10 people to remain in my life for a long time- maybe forever, even. I want to learn to trust people (and myself) more. This is the biggest obstacle I have in any relationship. Trusting people. I know I have trusted many people when I was younger and they all broke my trust (most) but now I'm trying to learn to trust people and move on.

The Baddest Chicks....

2010-04-24T11:12:00.000-04:00

These girls are the bad ass chicks that I know.... Me, Rihanna and Amber Rose...
I love Rihanna's Style and f@*# you attitude...

Amber Rose is just like, I'm hot and I know it and I know you know that I know it. She is just amazing.....

And me... well of course I am bad ass.... ha

..... Love Tanya

I Cannot Wait....

2010-04-24T10:24:00.000-04:00

I am so excited and cannot wait until Sex and the City 2 comes out. Yes it is a chick flick and I hope I get one of my best girls Samantha to come out with me and watch it...

Are you excited for Sex?

Will you be watching Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte???

..... Love Tanya

Sometimes I Wish....

2010-04-24T08:48:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I think about where I am at. I know I am 20 and many people are probably saying, don't worry, enjoy your 20s, but my brain is always on overdrive, and thinking.

Sometimes I Wish:

- I had started to save for things in the future so long ago (house, car, family)

- I stayed in contact with some friends from elementary school (as back then it was the most simpliest time, and truly everyone would get along)

- Met my boyfriend either sooner or later in my life (because right now we are growing, and going through a hard time- therefore not allowing us to hang out together more, but this makes the time we spend together so much better cause he's awesome)

- Moved out. (This is simple, I am a grown up and need to start living like one)

- Having been super smart enough to be frugal in the 2 years of working at my job, and not having wasted (yes I wasted!!!) so much money on things that are in the end, NOT THAT BLOODY IMPORTANT.

- Not been caught up in all the DRAMA.... And just being able to be free and happy like I am now.

- I was more adventurous, more confident, more beautiful, more smarter (these are things that cannot be changed, but altered- thanks mom and dad)

- I wish I had been smarter, to notice all of this.

But in conclusion, the journey is what matters, and now I am trying to change what I wanted to change and to be where I want to be.

What do you wish that you could have done before?? What are you doing to implement these wishes??

..... Love Tanya

What is Sexy?

2010-04-24T01:07:00.000-04:00

Having had a talk with one of the girlfriends, we had a bit of a square off and was naming what we thought was sexy.... So fellow readers, this is what I think is sexy...

- happiness
- the boyfriend
- myself
- being smart
- laughing
- telling another person how you feel about them
- music (i appreciate so many different types)
- life
- dancing
- writing secret notes, letters, diarys, songs (writing in general is hot)
- my friends
- my family
- my boobs (love them)
- love
- travel
- confidence
- being able to be poise in any situation
- being a good person
- standing up for what you believe in
- smiling
- strip tease class (the gym in general too)
- going for long walks
- nice sweet conversations, about nothing but meaning everything
- trust
- fashion
- glamour
- being myself and not changing
- curves

What do you think is sexy??

..... Love Tanya

My Life in a Saying

2010-04-24T01:04:00.000-04:00

My Life in the Picture....

..... Love Tanya

Happy

2010-04-23T15:43:00.000-04:00

I am extremely happy with where my life is now.

I have:
- great friends
- great boyfriend
- amazing family
- an all around good life....

I'm just happy and thankful and greatful for everything and everyone that has supported me and put up with all my bitchiness and all my mood swings...

Thank you

Are you happy? If so, why and what for??

..... Love Tanya

If You Want Me, You Better Work For Me.....

2010-04-22T23:53:00.000-04:00

Recently, I have been having little bumps in the road with the boyfriend. I believe our relationship is solid but we do have our little tiffs and arguments. I want to spend more time with him but our schedules rarely meet up. However, the thing I do not understand is that men have the need to disappear and only re appear when they want to. What the heck is that?

I know I am a great girlfriend, but alot of times I have doubts to what more I can do. I'm fun, smart, beautiful and in the end I love to be in a relationship, because I care about the person.

Men now a days need to know how to work for the girl they think is worth it. If you don't want to date me, then dump me, but don't string me along. Another rule men need to learn is that women, try to see what you are telling them. They try to be perfect and understand what is going on, but the roles are never reversed. One other rule men, DO not threaten your relationship, just because your girl bitchs at you. She is bitching at you for a reason. She trusts you and probably the only one that understands her bitchiness, she needs to blow off steam.

Men also need to learn that they do have a great girl, and that relationships, need to be open, honest and full throttle. Do not live your life, not telling you significant other how you feel about them, because in a click of a second you can lose that person.

..... Love Tanya

Just Saying....

2010-04-20T16:47:00.000-04:00

Live. Love. Smile. Laugh. Dance.

..... Love Tanya

Do I Trust You?

2010-04-20T15:28:00.000-04:00

Trust in a relationship is a really big step. Once you and your partner start to trust each other, your relationship moves up a whole new level.

In my experiences, I find it hard to trust people. I have been hurt- way too many times. That is why I keep everything in, I don't want to get hurt again but this pushes a lot of people away. This year, I have tried really hard to trust people quickly and I have got to say, this has made me happy. I have met amazing friends, have a great boyfriend, have a good relationship with my mom, have seen and been the first person my sisters come to for advice, and have a good relationship with my grandma.

But trust in relationships is a whole different ball park. Guys are good at keeping things from their girlfriends. They don't return calls; give vague answers as to what they were doing, and just hiding everything from their girl. I'm the kind of girlfriend that completely understands that I do not need any of your passwords for anything, and should only get a key to your place when you are ready to give it to me. Things like these are so minuscule.

Trust is very hard to gain and once it’s gained and broken it is very hard to gain back. MEN us WOMEN get suspicious when you are being vague and sneaky… THAT is when we lose TRUST. Just saying.

So take these relationships easy, and learn to enjoy the person and their quirks and then start trusting them. There is NO time frame, but be open to trust them, with the possibility that your heart might be broken.

..... Love Tanya

Just Saying.....

2010-04-19T10:55:00.000-04:00

If u TRULY want to be happy today: Make yourself a priority & everything else second!!

..... Love Tanya

Being Alone Sucks... or Does It?

2010-04-19T09:22:00.001-04:00

Not to long ago, I was having a conversation with girlies, that I went to school with. I had asked them what they thought about being in a relationship and having time alone for themselves. They being all great girls, but having been in relationship after relationship- back to back, stated that it would not be a relationship if they were to be apart from their significant other for more then a day. I laughed at this because in my relationship, I'm happy if I see my boyfriend at least once a week but we talk all the time. I'll never forget one girl stated that we only see each other sporadically because he is cheating on me (this I know for a fact that he isn't because I completely trust him). Girls.

But this conversation made me think about our relationship. Being in a relationship is a fun and healthy thing. Some couples need each other all the time- constantly craving each other and losing themselves in each other, which can get annoying. Even though I am in a relationship, and love to hang out with my boyfriend and talk to him (as he is interesting, and I learn something new about him everyday as he does me) but I like to be my own person, and like to spend time alone- without him.

Time alone doesn't mean that I don't want him or anything. This means I want to better myself and be a better girlfriend. All the time alone and away from him, I learn to appreciate our relationship, and value all the time we do spend together. We are dating in the new modern world, basically meaning- we won't have time to see each other everyday, especially with conflicting schedules.

Bar Refaeli recently told Israel's L'Isha Magazine about the time she went through after being away from Leonardo Di Caprio. “It was a half year for which I am very grateful,” the model had said. “I needed it. I came to understand a lot of things about myself.”

“I worked on myself [and] I grew up,” she added. “I didn’t know what ‘alone’ was like. Today I know that a relationship can work only if you know you can be alone and you are not afraid. Today I’m not afraid of being alone.”

In conclusion, I know I can be alone and have a great relationship with the boyfriend, and I think this is normal... What do you think???

..... Love Tanya

Curves Are Back....

2010-04-19T08:51:00.000-04:00

Thank goodness curves are back.. I was getting really tired of the whole "dying to be skinny" look. Many girls are blessed to be so skinny but, not a lot of girls are... Ladies, eat that ice cream and do those lunges (when you feel like it) because CURVES IS THE NEW BLACK.

Christina Hendricks is here to stay.... she is the new "Best- Looking Woman in America!!!" This Mad Men star has taken over the title from Megan Fox, and Ms. Adriana Lima..... Work it girl!!!! She is defiantly bringing the sexy back!!!

..... Love Tanya

Kellan Lutz

2010-04-15T18:10:00.000-04:00

Hot damn Kellan Lutz is smokinggggg!! Hope you ladies enjoy this little video....

..... Love Tanya

And It Begins

2010-04-14T23:41:00.001-04:00

I am thinking of going on a 3 month purge of shopping, eating out, and basically wasting my money. I want to do longer, but I do want to see how I work out with these 3 months. Here is my list as to why:

1. To learn how to pass up a sale (oh, so painful)
2. I want to see how I will change, both as a person and consumer, by the end of this experiment
3. To become more green (waste not, want not!)
4. So I will actually use and wear what is in my closet, instead of buying something new every time there is an event (and by "event" I mean any Saturday night, an afternoon movie, a lunch date, walk in the park, etc.)
5. To save money
6. To stop buying useless instant gratification pieces, and become a more conscious shopper
7. To see how I will spend my free time if I am not in the shops (so far, most of my extra time has been spent on this blog!)
8. I wasn’t prepared to go to AA
9. To get my creative juices flowing (the challenge of creating pieces with what I have, using my arts and craft skills for DIY projects, etc.)
10. To see if I can do it!

anyone else joining me on this ride???

..... Love Tanya

Top 10 Fashion Movies

2010-04-14T23:29:00.000-04:00

I love fashion shows and movies. There is something about curling up and going into a world of glamour. My life isn't that glamourous and I love to just step into a world of glamour in these movies. So I have made a list of the top 10 Fashion Movies ever.

1. Sex and the City
2. Breakfast at Tiffany’s
3. Clueless
4. Devil Wears Prada
5. Pretty Woman
6. Confessions of a Shopaholic
7. How to Marry a Millionaire
8. Mannequin
9. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
10. Pret-A-Porter

Which ones are your favourites? Any movies I have missed??

..... Love Tanya

Living and Learning

2010-04-12T23:09:00.000-04:00

As I think about what has happened over the past couples of years I have reflected and am, completely happy at where I am.

Things I have learned:
- when you give up on love, love finds you
- grow on your own with no influences
- learn to smile even when all you want to do is cry
- life is hard, and the more 'tests' we get, the happier in the end we will be
- there is no such thing as a perfect relationship (you will fight and argue, and cry, but in the end, you know the other person is your match)
- it is okay to cry and have a bad day
- I can be punctual
- my sisters mean the world to me
- people treat you the way you treat them
- no one should ever cater to you, as you shouldn't cater to anyone
- laugh, cry, smile, fart, love and live - everything will be okay
- I'm tired of partying and just going out all the time

Things I am working on:
- changing my habits
- learning to put myself in the other person's shoes
- my relationships with everyone (parents, sisters, cousins, friends, boyfriend)
- being more adventurous
- showing my emotions
- trusting people
- I CANNOT plan everything to a T and have it run smoothly (it will not happen)
- things will not always go my way
- growing on my own with no influences

Life is about growing and loving. We smile and cry but in the end it's not about who hurt you, it's about how you handled it. - Tanya Original

There are alot of things that I need to work on... and you? What have you learned?? What do you need to work on?

..... Love Tanya

Amazing Confidence

2010-03-18T23:05:00.000-04:00

One amazing thing that I am extremely proud of this year is my confidence. I was watching the show, "How to Look Good Naked" a couple of times last year. The host made the participants stand in front of a mirror naked and to point out what they love and hate about their bodies. With no surprise most women hated everything about themselves.

To be honest pretty much all of my life I shared this low self esteem, and always dissected my body. When I was younger, I was the first one that bloomed. I had the boobs and the hips before all my friends, and always felt like I should hide them. Therefore I was always the curvy one.

But now? When I stand in front of my mirror naked, I see beauty in my flaws, I feel sexy with my curves, I'm in love with the smooth texture of my skin and my senses are heightened at the sight of my silhouette. From the round of my breasts, the thickness of my thighs, and the movement of my hips. I love it all! There's nothing like feeling comfortable and sexy in your own skin. I feel beautiful and sexy.
how did you find your confidence???

..... Love Tanya

Just Screaming....

2010-03-15T22:53:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to say:

I AM NOT A MODEL!!!!!

I AM CURVY AND I LIKE IT!!!!

I LOVE MY BODY AND MY SHAPE!!!

I AM CONFIDENT IN MYSELF!!!!

I WANT MORE FOR MYSELF!!!!

I WANT ADVENTURE!!!!!

say it with me ladies

What do you want???

..... Love Tanya

Stress

2010-03-05T05:40:00.000-05:00

Im getting tired of working in my 9-5 job. I want something fun, something exciting... Something I never done before....

I'm getting tired of being yelled at by my boss. I'm getting tired of answering to people that I really don't care for. I'm getting tired of living under a microscope. I don't care anymore. I'm tired of being treated like a child. Want to talk shit about me?? DO IT!! Because in the end, I know you are talking about me and that is all that matters. My name on your lips.. haha what a sad life you must live to be constantly talking about me.

..... Love Tanya

What Tanya Wants

2010-03-03T22:16:00.000-05:00

What Tanya Wants is a blog for the daily woman. Tanya seems like ‘the perfect woman' but there is something missing in her life. She wants to be better; she wants to find herself, and live truly happy. By writing her tabulating tales she will let everyone into her life and truly for the first time, expose her true identity. So follow along for the ride, I'm sure it will be a very adventurous and spontaneous ride.

.... Love Tanya

live, laugh, love